The Skit

the "skit"

NARRATOR (Nina Robertson):

For this year's convention salt,
the New England Society
of Open Salt Collectors
commissioned two
very special local talents
to come up with
the perfect commemorative piece.
We are pleased
to be able to share
with all of you
the complicated selection process
that took place.

WITCH 1:
Double, double toil and trouble

WITCH 2:
Fire burn, and cauldron bubble

WITCH 1:
Potter's glaze, and silica sand,
Clay of earth and embers fanned.

WITCH 2:
Precious gems and metals - Tame!
Bring forth a salt of FANCY fame.

Sherry Diamond & Karen Wetmore

ENGLISH ART GLASS: Lenore Smith

When it comes to sheer beauty,
Oh, where do I start?
I'm much more than "pretty,"
I'm a true work of art!

I make grown men gasp,
Bring women to their knees,
They all want to possess me,
"No autographs, please!"

WITCH 1:
Lovely, yes,
But also wacky.
Are those frills gorgeous
Or just plain tacky!

WITCH 2:
This one, my sister,
Cannot be the best....
Let's return to the cauldron.
Let's try again. Let's!

Sherry Diamond & Karen Wetmore

ENGLISH ART GLASS: Lenore Smith FAIRY: Mike Kump

(A woodland fairy appears,
nodding his approval
of the beautiful salts
and consoling them
when the mean
witches reject them.)

WITCH 1:
What is this
woodland piece of work?

WITCH 2:
Pay no mind
to the fairy jerk!

Sherry Diamond & Karen Wetmore

STEUBEN: Bill Mehlenbacher

There never was a time
When such a small piece of glass
Exuded such elegance,
Exhibited such class!

Hand wrought
Of the finest material,
My maker, Frederick Carder
Is without equal.

WITCH 1:
Hmmm...Freddie Carder...
Nay, we've not met.

WITCH 2:
Back to the pot.
We've not found it yet!

Sherry Diamond & Karen Wetmore

CAMEO GLASS: Linda Kump

Steuben... Schmooben!
Make room for me,
Handcarved English cameo
Of the finest quality.

To achieve my glory,
An artist slaved for ages!
I'm the ultimate in open salts,
So say all the sages.

WITCH 1:
Sages...Smages
Jump back in!

WITCH 2:
We've much work to do.
But where to begin?

Sherry Diamond & Karen Wetmore

HAWAIIAN: Nancy Villaverde

I hail from Hawaii.
I'm a tropical delight!
I hula all day,
And I lei all night!

My undulating curves
Are carved by hand
From the rarest koa wood
Of my Paradise I-land.

WITCH 1:
Well, I'll be, Sister!
It's Carmen Miranda!

WITCH 2:
Miss Chiquita Banana
Is not what we planned-a!

Sherry Diamond & Karen Wetmore

LACY: Jackie Brady

I'm a grand old dame Lacy
From the province known as Sandwich.
If you find I've suffered a nibble or two,
Just wrap me in a bandage!

My colors are varied...
My sides are stippled...
If I'm not in Neal's book,
I'll give you goose pimples!

Jackie Brady

WITCH 1:
Nibbles indeed!
Me thinks that Sandwich Lacy dame
Has had too many bites.

WITCH 2:
Back to the cauldron
We could be here all night!

Sherry Diamond & Karen Wetmore

PLIQUE a JOUR: Linda Drew

Handcrafted to perfection
Like miniature stained glass
The beauty of a plique a jour
Is simply unsurpassed!

Although my price is through the roof
And not for faint of heart,
I'm like no other open salt.
I'm the one true work of art.

WITCH 1:
She's lovely, it's true.
But her price tag would kill us.

WITCH 2:
Return her now, quickly,
Before the dealer can bill us!

Sherry Diamond & Karen Wetmore

ELFINWARE: Nancy Dietel

You won't find a salt sweeter
Than one of Elfinware,
With forget-me-nots all over,
And roses here and there.

Collectors love my spinach.
They sometimes call it "moss."
When it comes to china open salts,
I dare say, I'm the boss!

WITCH 1:
Yech! Spinach! I don't think so!
Back to the pot. C'mon, let's go!

(As the salt walks past...)

WITCH : Spinach is an acquired taste.
Such a shame it'll all go to waste.

(Then the witch plucks
off a piece to eat.)

Sherry Diamond & Karen Wetmore

FAI

ENCE 2 FACED FIGURAL: Judy & Jim Royer

Face 1 (Judy):
Thank you, gracious ladies,
For helping me appear.
I'm the finest faience figural...
Face 2 (Jim):
Whose best side is right here!

Face 1 (Judy):
In your dreams, honey,
That right cheek of yours
sure looks funny
Face 2 (Jim):
But this little bit of crazing
a restorer sure can hide!
Face 1 (Judy):
No way baby,
THIS is our best side.

WITCH 1:
What say you, sister?
It is two for one!

WITCH 2:
But geesh, they're conflicted,
I'd rather have NONE!

Sherry Diamond & Karen Wetmore

BLUE & WHITE: Debi Raitz

Blue and white china is so classic,
I truly have it all.
I hail from many countries,
Come in master size and small.

My makers may use transfers
Or carefully paint me by hand.
With blue onions, willows, or seaweed,
I'm always in great demand!

WITCH 1:
It's true she's very popular
But we're not there yet, not quite...

WITCH 2:
Let's conjure up something
That's shiny and bright!

Sherry Diamond & Karen Wetmore

(The fairy
has been watching
all the salts
get rejected
by the mean witches
and has decided
to do something
about it)

FAIRY:
You haven't liked anything.
Nothing makes you happy.
How about I throw YOU in?
In the pot, now! Make it snappy!

WITCH 1:
You'll be sorry, fairy!
Our spirits will not die!

WITCH 2:
We'll be back when you least expect us.
Bye for now...Fairy guy.

FAIRY:
Let's see what adding them has done.
Maybe, finally, it'll be the one.

Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn and cauldron bubble.
Precious gems and ingredients - SETTLE!
Bring forth a salt of brilliant metal.

CONVENTION SALT: Sandra Jzyk

How can a single salt
Be the perfect choice for all?
Some prefer china over glass,
Or masters over small.

One perfect salt does not exist...
There's been no such invention,
Except, of course, the Salem witch
You'll take from this convention!

Final bows!

And a few other close-ups!

Written by Nina Robertson and Debi Raitz. The Royers also wrote their own lines.

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